Once the world has ended
by Magdelope
Summary: Inquisition spoilers, until you've done the quest "In hushed whispers". More description within since I don't want to spoil it, it's good though ;). Morrigan/Leliana. Rating because of depressing subject matters.


What if the things done to Leliana during that year in Redcliffe wasn't undone but rather she was transported back with the others?

* * *

><p>"Leliana? Is that you? The idiot by the front door said you'd be here," I say as I enter the dark room, a shadow sitting at the end of it. I sense that 'tis her, but it feels different. Not right. Something is wrong. Very wrong.<p>

"Leliana, I haven't heard from you for days," I say, the closest I'll get to admitting that I'm worried. I'm even more worried now. Especially since she hasn't said a word or moved since I've entered the room.

"Leliana, stop this nonsense." "I've come a long way." Nothing. Eventually my pleas turn real. "I am worried." And then finally, "Leli, sweetheart, what's wrong?" That wakes her up.

"Could you please leave." That's it.

"No."

"Get out!" Her voice is upset and full of tears and it makes me scared. I have never heard my Leliana sound like that. I still can't see her properly but I hear her breathing loudly and occasionally sobbing.

"No." I don't know what else to say. I just know that there is nothing she can do that will make me leave.

"Yes Morrigan," she says, "you will do as I say and you will leave right now."

"No."

"Yes." Her voice is filled with panic, "please, please, I beg of you, just go. I don't want you to see me like this."

There is only one reaction I can give to her words. And perhaps 'tis not the wisest thing to do, but I've always been more logical than wise. I simply go to the windows and remove the heavy drapes from the windows.

She shrieks like a banshee and before I manage to take a look at her face she has moved to a corner of the room and is covering her face with her hands. I might still look calm on the outside but her behaviour is starting to scare me. Without thinking I call for a calming light within me, anything to help her. Not a spell I've used a lot, but 'tis been helpful when working in politics. I expect it to calm the scared bird sitting in the corner but as soon as it reaches her she cries as if she's been hit. I don't know what she's feeling but it's not what I sent out.

"Nooo," she yells, "stop that now. You… stop…" she tears at her hair and looks up, finally showing me her face. She stares at me, and even though her eyes are basically the same they are filled with hatred.

"How dare you use magick against me?" She spits out, "like all mages." I step back, not expecting her words.

"What's wrong?" I ask, "what's happened?" She is hurting and I'd gladly let her yell at me if that would truly make her better, but I don't think it would.

"What do you mean?" She says, "can you not see?" And I see. I see how she's changed. How her face is different. But unlike a lesser person, it doesn't bother me. She's still my Leliana. And she is still beautiful. No matter what she looks like.

"I can see," I say, "so? You can't expect any of us to stay young and fresh forever." But inside I'm crying. She's hurting so much and right now she's not even letting me help her.

"So?" She snaps at me, "so?" Then she leanes her head back on the wall, "never mind. Just leave."

Of course I'm not leaving, but there is no use talking either. Instead I just pull one of the chairs out and sit down on it. I have years of patience if I need to. Eventually my Leliana will talk.

When the sun starts to go down outside the window, I feel the stress leave her. She's still agitated, but she's calming down. Maybe because I can't see her as well in the dark. It's getting colder and I want to light a fire, but to do that I need to use magick and I don't think it'd be appreciated.

When it's been completely dark in the room for quite a while I hear her sob out again. A lonely wailing sound. My song bird. So sad.

"I wish I could help," I tell her, "but you need to let me."

"I can't do that right now," she says, "maybe later, but not right now."

I sit quiet for a little bit more, then a lot more. When the sun starts going up again, she starts sobbing. Exhausted and grieving. I wonder what she's grieving. Her pretty looks? Innocence lost? I stand up and knee next to her, she doesn't look at me in the dim light as she continues sobbing silently.

"I want to die," she whispers. I have no answers to give, but I take a hold of her arm and pull her to me. I sit down with my back agains the wall and Leliana leaning on me, the scarred and blemished skin of her face against the skin on my chest. She starts crying truly then, loud sobs wrecking her body, making her shake in my arms. And I hold her and let her cry. It's all I can do. There isn't much else to do once the world has ended.

…

We sit like that for quite some time. Leliana's sobbing subside and instead I feel her fall asleep. So does my legs and arms and torso, but even my numbing body refuses to let her go. I kiss her marred forehead, and flinch a bit at how rough her skin feels. I don't care about the looks, I honestly don't. I flinch at the horror she must have gone through to be like this. _Oh sweetheart. _

When the sun starts setting again she starts moving, stiffens when she feels me but when I imidiately loosen my hold, giving her a chance to leave if she needs to, she relaxes again. She rests back against me. Her stomach rumbles.

"Do you want me to get some food?" I ask. I am hungry too I suppose but hadn't noticed.

"You're not going to conjure it, are you?" She asks. Her voice is small, childish. As that of a child, asking about the monsters that live under her bed.

"No," I say, "you've known me for a long time, have you ever seen me conjure up food?" She doesn't answer. I kiss her forehead again and murmur three words I don't say often.

…

I send a boy to fetch bread and meat and tell him he'll get an extra silver if he hurries. He runs away and I wait outside, catching my breath. All this is affecting me too and I need a moment to breathe. I don't know how much of Leliana is still left. I want to see her eyes, I think they could answer part of the question but she has kept them away from me. If she is truly gone, what do I do then? I recall an older conversation and Leliana's promise to kill me should I ever be made tranquil... The boy comes back with the food too quickly, and I grab the food and re enter Leliana's chamber despite not being ready.

"I have food," I tell her and put it on the table. Time for the first test, "come and sit at the table." She throws me a look but makes no attempt to move. I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing, but I sit down and take a piece of bread and start eating it slowly. I hear her stomach rumble again.

"Come and eat." Still no moment. I am not a monster, so I break open a bread and stuff it with dried meat. I take it and offer it to her, which she accepts. It's dark again in the room but light enough for me to see her hand which is scarred like the rest of her. I wish I could grab her wrist, kiss her palm. Remove her clothes and heal her with kisses. Show her that everything will be okay, and that I love her. That I can heal anything, not just with magick but that I'll do anything for her. I sit back on the table and we eat in silence.

"Thank you," she says. Her voice barely a whisper.

"Any time, my love," I reply. Then we sit in silence again.

…

When the sun starts to go up again I see that she has fallen asleep. I suppose I'm tired too, but it only marginally bothers me. There are other, more important things to tend to. Like watching my beautiful bard sleeping. I also inspect her more closely. Her hair is shorter and almost gone, I can't see more since she still has her hood up. There are dark lines around her eyes and mouth. I take a deep breath, and open my mouth to taste the air. My poor nose takes in sadness, anxiety and stress, and then it hits me, an underlying stench of taint. _She's tainted? My girl is tainted? _

She twitches suddenly in her sleep, mumbles something, and then start to shake.

"Leliana," I say in a firm voice, "wake up. You're having a bad dream." But 'tis no use. Eyes still closed, she kicks out with her legs and arms, fighting an unseen enemy. She screams out and tears at the little hair she has left. I jump forward, grabbing her hands and forcefully pulling them down. I wish I had done it sooner, there are angry marks around her eyes as if she was trying to claw them out. I ignore them as I pull her against me, cradling her and making soothing noises that has never before left my lips.

"Please, darling, just wake up. You're here, you're safe. You're safe with me. Nothing can hurt you anymore." I continue talking in a soft voice. Little nonsensical things that I hope will help, that doesn't help but I have to try. If or when I stop trying, I admit that there is nothing I can do. And what future do we have then? What future does the scared bird in my arms have? So I hold her and rock her and cry with her and sing to her, I don't know what else to do.

…

It must be mid-day when Leliana fully wakes up. It is about time because my legs have again fallen asleep. She sits on the floor and waits as I bring us some water. I bring it to her cracked and blackened lips as she greedily drinks from the tankard. They don't look as kissable anymore, I have to admit. But that doesn't make her any less beautiful. She looks up at me and there is hatred in her eyes.

"You're disgusted by me, aren't you?" She asks me, "you must hate me."

I search her face but don't let any emotions show from mine. Her eyes are moving back and forth but still somehow stuck on me.

"There is nothing to hate," I say, "only to love."

"Liar!" She yells, "how can you love this." She beats a hand to her chest and spits out any word, "you are a liar. You must be." She wails again and starts beating her chest and her arms and her head and any part she can reach. I don't want to use magick against her so instead I reel her in by physical force and once again cradle her against me.

"I love you," I whisper, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you." After beating an angry but weak fist on my thigh she stops moving.

"I don't exist anymore," she says then, "I thought I could survive anything. But I can't." She cries out, a shrieking yell like a banchee filled with sorrow and pain.

"There is nothing for you to love. NOTHING. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing." I let her yell. If that's what she needs I'm not going to stop her. She falls asleep again in a bit anyway, her eyelids moving quickly as if dreaming something violent. I don't sleep. I just hold her.

…

The sun has set and gone up again when she wakes up again. But in a calmer manner, and when she sees me now she looks relieved rather than angry.

"You haven't left," she says, her voice thick.

"Never," I tell her and I mean it. If Leliana needs me beside her for the rest of our days I will never again leave her side.

"I'm ready to tell now," she says. Which she does after I bring her some more water.

After her telling me what had happened and some more screaming, I hold her in my arms and gently rock her again.

"I love you," I whisper in her ear and when I see her eyes, I know she is starting to believe me.

…

"Let's leave." The sun has started to go up a sixth time and I'm tired of this room now, I'm ready to leave.

"What do you mean?" She asks me.

"I mean what I said. Let's leave. It's not our war."

"Doro…"

I roll my eyes at her.

"Is she fighting this war? Because I don't see her anywhere." She looks sad then and that wasn't my intention. I get up from the chair and kneel in front of her.

"There are other advisors, other rogues, other bards. It doesn't always have to be you." I put a finger to her lips when she opens her mouth to protest.

"We could leave right now," I tell her, "'tis no one's business."

…

As the sun sets on the worst week of both our lives, we leave Haven. We don't have much else than ourselves, the clothes we're wearing and a small packet of food. What else do you need once the world has ended? The answer is not much.


End file.
